No Money, No Honey

Well, actually the full saying goes "no money, no honey; no honey no lovin'; no lovin', no baby; no baby, no problem."As taught to us by our Vietnamese tour guide through Nha Trang Bay. So I have a feeling, then, that you've guessed we entered Vietnam...

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Amy and I left Cambodia on a low- low morale, low spirits, whatever you want to call it. It was the most difficult, heart-wrenching place I've ever been, hands down. So it was with not a little bit of guilt that we decided to to spoil ourselves, and hop a boat for the journey to Vietnam. A six hour sail down the Mekong brought us to the Mekong Delta, the small town of Chau Doc, and the completely and utterly true rice hat stereotype. All along the banks of the river, men and women alike worked in fields and rode on motorcycles sporting rice hats. What a delight. As is the fact that the currency, which we happily exchanged on the boat, is called the Dong. 'Nough said.

Anyway, Chau Doc was not exactly our desired getaway, so we hopped a bus immediately into Saigon. But the bus wasn't a bus- it was a van, which took us to another van, which drove us to a ferry and then for five hours toward the biggest, most crowded city I've yet seen. And then, of course, came the cursory midnight motorcycle ride through crowded traffic circles and down narrow alleys full of chickens, to a hotel that was full, and then another one that was full and finally....blissful, sweet bed. And AIR CONDITIONING!

Saigon is massive, yes, but it's a city for the people, not a city for the tourists. So it was easy to pick out what sights we wanted to see- mainly, the Vietnam War Memorial Museum. As we walked through four floors of war artifacts, articles, and pictures, I've never been less proud to be an American. We saw barbed wire cages used by the US as torture chambers, cramming three or four people in a tiny space for days at a time, until they became deformed from crouching so long, or else cut up from the barbs. We read about Agent Orange, a chemical used excessively in the War, and which has been found to be VERY bad for humans- back then it meant melted-off or exploded body parts; today it means generations still born mentally or physically handicapped. It was fascinating to see how the whole world, from New Zealand to Ghana (and let's be honest, who considers Ghana to be a political stronghouse- and yet they organized demonstrations against the War in Vietnam) were against the war, and yet the U.S. didn't listen. We found a way to justify it...

It was December 5th when we ditched the city and made our way to the first stop up the coast of Vietnam- a distance comparable to that between Montreal and Florida. The town was called Mui Ne, and it was our paradise. A perfect little beach town- white sand beaches, one of the top kite surfing destinations in the world. Our guesthouse opened right into the sand, and hammocks swung from every palm. Not bad, right? Aside from laying on the beach for hours at a time, we rented a motorcycle and rode out to the Red Sand Dunes, where we tried out our dune-surfing skills. And we found a mini waterfall, with the help of these two boys that acted as our tour guides. We knew they wanted money from us, so at the end we offered them some dong, and they looked appalled. They wanted about five times what we'd offered. When we said no, they left, but confronted us again at the motorcycles, until we handed more over. Not the best situation...

After Mui Ne came Nha Trang, and our first real super-tourist experience. We, along with a friend we made along the way (Arthur), joined a day tour around the bay. We stopped at a few islands, did some snorkeling, and ultimately couldn't believe how touristy it was! Let's just say there was enforced karaoke and dancing, and a 'floating bar.' We decided not to stay too long in Nha Trang, though, and left that night on an overnight bus North.

There's not much to say about the middle of the country- mainly because we decided to rush north and skip most of the middle. The night buses were great compared to normal buses, but I still had the joy of waking up with my overly-cuddly bunkmate using my forehead as his elbow rest. Yikes.

So, to just jump straight ahead, we just kept getting on buses until we found ourselves in the far Northeast of Vietnam, and the first real cool weather we'd seen in two months. The last bus dumped us off at Halong Pier, where we joined a tour boat on December 12th, booked to spend the night on the boat in eerie/beautiful Halong Bay. So it was that I woke up on my birthday on a boat, surrounded by thousands of islands that seemed to shoot straight up out of nowhere. The boat dropped our group off on Cat Ba Island, where we were taken to the local National Park to hike for awhile, and finally at the main town, to leave the group and fend for ourselves. There was plenty to keep busy...you know, the typical beautiful beaches and sunset to rival none. No problem.

Halong Bay was more than enough to keep us busy the next few days, but the racing calendar eventually had us straggling back to Hanoi, and then by train to the mountains, to hang out with the Red and Black H'mong Hilltribes (p.s. it was my first train!). Sapa, the town, was gloriously cold and full of adorable hill tribe women, pho ga, and hot tea. We wiled away time by hiking up into the hills, and found a crazy faerieland of views and trails. We even went to a Catholic Church service, delighting the Vietnamese tourists to the area to the point where we spent a good 20 minutes posing for their pictures. And, as sometimes happens, we didn't pay attention, and caused a minor scandal by sitting on the men's side of the church. Woops.

The road back from Sapa left us only five minutes from the border of China, so what could we do, but jump on motorcycles and find our way? Only the rifles and complete inability of the guards to take a joke stopped me from sprinting across the border...Ah well. We shrugged our regret, but left for Hanoi once again without managing to gain any bullet holes.

Hanoi is an incredible city. It's crowded and chaotic, but wonderful and full of culture. There are 'specialty food' streets with restaraunts that serve nothing but dog or cat meat; there are water puppet shows- truly bizarre spectacles which have been around for a thousand years; there's streets of shoes, others of silk; there's even the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum, where "Uncle Ho" is completely and perfectly preserved, resting his head on a silk pillow as visitors file through. No talking, no hands in pockets, no pictures, look straight ahead, walk single file. Respect Uncle Ho.

That's it though...that's the end of our travels! We did and saw alot that I couldn't even bother mentioning, as there are real words for it. We have thousands of pictures, many stories, and several pairs of fisherman pants to show for our two months. And we have many more places to go :)


Random Tidbits:

-The lady at our guesthouse in Mui Ne, and her dog, decided that I shouldn't be allowed to write left-handed. As a result, I'm a little bit ambidextrous now!

-Sand flies are the bane of my existence

-Sometimes toilets in night buses don't flush. Sometimes if you decide to use them anyway, they slosh their contents on your foot when you hit a bump. :/

-listening to Vietnamese men sing 'Santa Baby' is a much better form of entertainment than any movie...ever

-If you happen to overstay your visa in Vietnam by say, 5 days...expect to get ripped off by corrupt immigration officials. Expect to pay $40, instead of the usual $25. Expect to want to cry and rip our their 2-inch-long mole hairs as they look at you and threaten to cancel your flight if you don't pay them what they want. Maybe next time, just get the right visa.

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Cuoi